I Think I Know Them!

I recall reading (or maybe it was watching an interview) one time about that wonderful Southern writer Fannie Flagg, author of Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe. She said she was watching a pageant on TV and talking to another Southern friend on the phone, who was also watching the pageant. Someone they though they knew came on, and Ms. Flagg mentioned how Southern women always end up saying things like "Isn't that Essie Smith of the Birmingham Smiths?" Or something to that effect.

This is so true, as I was reminded last night. Southern women are always making those connections. It's even become our family joke, since the kids have learned if they mention a name then I ultimately know that person or their family somehow. It's always bad tidings when I say "Is his Momma named Sue (or Betty, or Mary, etc.)?" - at least bad tidings in the eyes of the kids.

Some people might say that Southern women don't have a monopoly on this trait. Maybe not anymore, if you look at the growing interest in family trees and genealogy. However, Southern women turned that into an art form decades ago, with genealogy both familial and social.

So I am reading a book on my Kindle called Death Trap by M. William Phelps. I absolutely love true crime stories and murder mystery or suspense books. This one looked interesting as it was a death that presumably resulted from a custody dispute between a man and his ex-wife. Being a stepmother to four children and witnessing first hand a high conflict custody dispute. I have even known what it was like to wonder if one day she would "snap" and end up trying to hurt or even kill us. So, this book immediately looked interesting.

The story pulled me in right away with the ex-husband and his current wife (Alan and Terra Bates) missing and probably dead.  The book alternated with the investigation at where the bodies were located (Georgia), the family homes where the Bates were expected (Alabama), and the history of the exes (Alan Bates and Jessica McCord) and their conflicted relationship. About 40% of the way through the book, the author gave us the history of Terra Bates. I was surprised to see that her "formative years were spent in Clemson, South Carolina." Now, this is my hometown so it immediately rang a bell.

I double checked the parent names: Joe Klugh and Jan Gillespie (they had divorced and her mother remarried). Realizing she was born Terra Klugh, and her father was Joe Klugh I suddenly realized these were very familiar names. And thus my "Fannie Flagg" moment, repeated often times throughout any true Southern girls' life, was started. After a quick check, I put together that Joe Klugh was the son of Ed and Maureen Simpson. Naturally that led to a phone call with my mother, who said, "Why yes! The Simpsons were best friends with your grandfather, and you met them several times. You need to come talk to your Daddy tomorrow about them." I did recall that Mrs. Simpson worked for Dr. Hunter, who saw my grandparents for years.

Once I told Momma how I got interested, she said, "I need to make some calls tomorrow and find out more about this."Long before Facebook and other social networking, Southern women used the telephone to connect and check information. In fact, there have always been three modes of communication: telephone, telegraph, and tell a Southern woman.

Like I said to my husband last night after I hung up with Momma, "Ain't that the South for ya?"

Making a Transformation

There are many different kinds of Southern girls (and we are all girls whether we are 9 or 90). Watching just a handful of movies will prove this, from Steel Magnolias to Ya-Ya Sisterhood to Gone With The Wind. I decided earlier this year that my version needs a transformation. I want to keep all those wonderful Southern things about me, and even rediscover some those things that I've lost over the years. Mainly I want to be a healthier person for my family, and that requires facing some issues in my past.

Part of my transformation is a 28-Day Breaking Free program, developed by Leanne Ely and JJ Virgin. You can read more about it at the website Saving Dinner.  So, I am now on Day Two (officially) of that program. It's been tough, and there was a point today when I wasn't sure if I would make it.

My oldest stepson turned 19 today, and he came by for some birthday cake. I knew I wasn't strong enough to cook and ice one at home so I just picked something up at the local bakery. It was chocolate decadence - a dark brown, moist chocolate cake topped with a cream cheese and chocolate fudge icing, and then a thin layer of chocolate ganache swirls to decorate. It was all I could do to resist, but I did it! I managed to get through serving and chit-chatting while everyone else indulged. When I did start to feel resistance crumble, I satisfied my need by crunching on about one ounce of almonds. They crunched and gave off a slightly sweet but almost salty flavor which completely took away the desire to devour chocolate cake.

Perhaps in some way I am breaking free from more than food. I feel like I am breaking free from the hold that food has held over me for so long. It wasn't so much denying myself tonight, which I have done through all too many other diets. Tonight it was more liberating, knowing I had a choice. I then made the choice that was best for my body and found something else that really did satisfy. I think in the past I obsessed over what I couldn't have and ended up cheating myself. I couldn't concentrate on anything else with the "can't have" crowding my brain. Tonight, that changed. Rather than a "diet", I am doing something for 28-Days. I realized in less than a month I can walk in there and order a whole cake all for myself if I want to do it. That realization gave me the freedom to walk away and the open space in my brain to think of alternatives. In that sense, it became easier.

I also think that it goes deeper. The main feeling or emotion was that of loss and fear of not having something. I realized I had looked at things from the perspective of "if I choose not to eat this, I won't ever be able to have it again." And somewhere along the way, I think I have made that same association about other things in my life. For the first time in this whole process, I think I am finally seeing signs of a real transformation. I can't wait to find my grits and gardenias girl again.

Of Grits and Gardenias

These are two of my favorite things and can be found in one of my very favorite Southern cities: Charleston, SC. I absolutely love this city - for it's southern charm, for the warm family memories it holds, for the romance that my marriage could use right now. Gardenias are wonderfully fragrant, and I fell in love with them for the first time walking the streets of Charleston. At that point, they became quintessentially Southern for me - and yes, that is Southern with a capital "S" which is different (more classically southern, or heck just more southern in general) than the one with the little "s". I now have gardenias growing in my own garden (upstate South Carolina), in which one whiff can take me back to my Southern roots in a heartbeat.

As far as those grits are concerned, how much more Southern can you get? Grits are a wonderful food, where you can enjoy them solo with a good dose of butter (real butter, not futter - fake butter) and salt (particularly sea salt). When I have an upset stomach, basic grits with butter and salt always make me feel better. Actually, when I am sick with a cold or anything at all they seem to work their magic.

When I am feeling a little more "uppity", grits make a good companion to a large assortment of other goodies. When in Charleston, it's old-fashioned "Shrimp and Grits" especially when served at the Palmetto Cafe in Charleston Place. When home at my parents' house, it is sometimes a nice slice of country ham on the side and a little red-eye gravy over the top of the grits. Sometimes it just makes a nice soothing side dish to a hot and spicy mix of hot sausage and scrambled eggs with salsa.

In these ways, grits and gardenias remind me of Southern women - again that capital "S" is quite deliberate. Grits, which is sometimes explained as "Girls Raised In The South", are a staple food - wholesome, filling, and capable of being very independent which are all ways to describe Southern women. We are wholesome, filling and capable of being very independent - have you seen Steel Magnolias? However, Southern women, like grits, are also capable of blending perfectly into a variety of other elements and situations many times bringing a unique level of fun or just adding that little edge to combine all other elements into harmony. Gardenias can be heady and overpowering, which can sometimes be like the charm of a Southern lady. But we also know how to blend into the background providing an air of calm beauty that enlivens the air and makes a situation much more pleasant.

Perhaps that is how I see this blog as well. I will be describing my life as viewed from my own southern perspective. At times, it may be a little heady or overpowering for some readers but for others it might provide the perfect level of loveliness and beauty. At times, it might seem a little bland like plain bowl of grits but at other times it will be spicy and fun and full of life. Somewhere along the way I hope to find a little something to please a varied audience.